


amazing grace

by artemis_west



Category: Pynch - Fandom, Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M, One Shot, anyway i wrote this a long time ago and am just now posting it, because i can't think of another one, slightly out of character i think, the title sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 15:58:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7851655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artemis_west/pseuds/artemis_west
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bagpiper in a kilt was playing “Amazing Grace” on his pipes, and the slow song led the funeralgoers out towards the parking lot, where a black hearse was waiting to be loaded with the coffin of Niall Lynch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	amazing grace

Adam often thought of what Ronan had been like before Niall Lynch died.

Only Gansey had known him then, but sometimes, when Adam and Ronan were laying in bed together, Adam wished he could’ve known Ronan then, too. Ronan Lynch as Adam knew him now was the only Ronan he knew, and he wouldn’t change him for the world. He loved him this way, sharp edges and all. He’d grown far used to the softness underneath Ronan’s hard exterior, and sometimes, when this softness came out, Adam thought he was getting a small glimpse into the man Ronan was before his father died. It was in these moments that he loved Ronan the most – when his softness made itself known in the most unexpected of moments, like when Ronan was running his fingers over Adam’s shoulder, or when he was kissing Adam gently, or staring at him from across the room with a small smile on his face. It was these moments when Adam’s love for Ronan surged.

They were in one of those moments now, as they laid in bed together. They weren’t speaking; they didn’t have to. They were face to face on Ronan’s bed, pressed close together. Ronan had Adam’s hand close to his face, and he was running his fingers over Adam’s, studying each individual line on Adam’s palm, tracing them tenderly. His eyes were soft and hazy, the beginning of a smile pricking the corners of his mouth. Adam was content just to watch him. His free hand was tracing over Ronan’s shoulder, fingers dancing over the lines of Ronan’s tattoo.

Eventually, Adam’s eyes started to droop, and he fell asleep against Ronan’s chest.

He didn’t think either of them meant for it to happen, but Adam was sucked into Ronan’s dream.

He hadn’t known this was possible – that he could be part of the dream, aware of it, conscious of it without actively scrying. Ronan was standing right next to him, staring across the road from where they stood. Adam didn’t startle when he recognized where they were. They were standing across from St. Agnes.

There was a funeral going on.

Ronan watched the procession blankly, his gaze closed off. Adam wanted to take his hand, but he didn’t. He simply stood beside him, his eyes following the mourners as they poured out of the church. A bagpiper in a kilt was playing “Amazing Grace” on his pipes, and the slow song led the funeralgoers out towards the parking lot, where a black hearse was waiting to be loaded with the coffin of Niall Lynch.

Adam knew it was Niall’s funeral immediately, because Declan, Ronan and Matthew were at the front of the crowd, helping carry their father’s coffin towards the hearse. Gansey stood directly behind them, somber and stoic. Matthew was crying. It was the first time Adam had seen him do anything other than smile. Declan stood stone-faced, his shoulders tense and his muscles bunched under his suit as he hefted the weight of his father’s coffin. And Ronan just looked . . . broken. His expression was far worse than either of his brothers’. His face was just empty. His blue eyes were depthless, his features impassive. He was emotionless, staring at the ground under his feet as he helped his brothers lift their father’s coffin into the back of the hearse. His head wasn’t shaved yet – he had a head full of dark curls.

Adam stared at Ronan beside him now. His jaw was clenched, his eyes hard and glistening. Adam brushed his hand against Ronan’s arm.

Ronan didn’t look at him. His eyes were on the black hearse, and the funeralgoers who were getting into their cars to follow it to the cemetery.

“I didn’t mean for you to see this,” Ronan said. His voice was choking.

Adam didn’t say anything. Instead, he leaned against Ronan, and Ronan leaned against him. They held each other up this way.

They watched the hearse and the line of cars depart St. Agnes, the bagpiper playing his mournful song all the while.

Ronan closed his eyes, his jaw clenched to fend off tears. When he opened them again, he and Adam were at the cemetery.

The Lynch brothers stood next to the priest, who was standing over Niall’s coffin as it was being lowered into the grave. Gansey stood close by, his hands in his pockets, looking dreadfully sad and regretful at the scene before him. The priest was giving the last rites. Declan was staring at the hole in the ground, his jaw fiercely set, his hands clasped in front of him. Matthew was still crying and leaning into Ronan’s side. Ronan held him up, his face still devoid of any emotion. He stared at his father’s final resting place like he didn’t recognize any of it.

Adam and Ronan watched the burial from a few yards away. As the mourners dropped roses onto the coffin in the grave, one by one, the real Ronan turned his head away and began walking away from the site. Adam followed him silently.

When they stopped walking, they were at Monmouth Manufacturing. Adam wasn’t quite sure how they’d gotten there, but he’d learned not to question what happened in dreams. Especially Ronan’s dreams.

Inside Monmouth, Gansey and Ronan stood in the bathroom/kitchen/laundry. Ronan sat in front of the mirror, his eyes on his reflection as Gansey held an electric razor over his head. Ronan had removed his shirt. He didn’t have his tattoo yet, and his back looked strange and bare, alien, without it.

“Are you sure about this?” Gansey asked, and Ronan nodded silently. Gansey sighed and began moving the razor over Ronan’s head. His beautiful dark curls were shorn away until there was nothing left but a close-cropped shadow. Adam felt a pang for the loss of them.

But this Ronan, though without his tattoo, was the Ronan that Adam knew.

Adam stared at Ronan beside him now. Without saying anything, he took his hand. Ronan gripped his fingers tightly, eyes fixed on the scene in front of him.

“I think you would’ve liked me,” Ronan said quietly, staring at the bare, unmarked back of his dream self. “Before my dad died. If you had known me then, the way Gansey did. You would’ve liked me.”

Adam couldn’t bear the sadness in his voice. He turned and put his hand on the back of Ronan’s neck, and Ronan tore his gaze away from the dream to look at Adam. Suddenly, they were awake, lying in Ronan’s bed in the dark. Adam drew Ronan’s face close to his.

“I like you now,” he whispered, and kissed him. Ronan’s arms circled Adam almost desperately, and Adam tasted Ronan’s tears as they slid into his mouth. He brushed his thumb over Ronan’s cheek, and Ronan’s chest heaved in a silent, noiseless sob.

“Shhh,” Adam held him tightly, running his hands over Ronan’s head, kissing him everywhere he could reach, comforting him. “Shh. You’re okay. I’m here.”

Ronan only held him tighter in response.

**Author's Note:**

> this is a really short piece that i wrote months ago and only now had the inspiration to post. i think it may be slightly OOC and it might not even be quite finished, i don't like the ending, but it's just sitting here on my computer and i wanted to post it anyway so here it is


End file.
